Book Excerpts

Introduction

Every 29 seconds a family somewhere in the U.S. will experience the death of a child whether it be from an early pregnancy loss through that of a young adult.

This is the journal of my journey since the death of my daughter. I'm not really sure why writing about the death of my daughter and my journey of recovery has suddenly become so important after this many years. Her life and death are so much a part of the fabric of my being that it is hard to step back and write about it. I feel that most of my other work is almost done and this is not. In the long run there is no logic as to why, because this is not about logic, it's just about my feelings.

I did a little research, thank you Google, and discovered that between the ages of 0 and 19 there are about 1,600,000 deaths a year. That is only about .5% of the population, but to each of those families it's the only thing that counts.

I figured that since my personal tragedy over 50 million families have experienced the loss of a child; I feel that is an underserved population basically due to the strong injunctions against grieving which includes people's reluctance to burden others with their problems. I also think there is always room for one more voice that will reach someone. There were, and continue to be, so many voices, writings, movies and open arms that helped me in this long journey. I can never repay all those gifts; all I can do is turn around and try to pass them on.

I put
My grief
On a shelf
In the
Back of
my heart
in Saran Wrap
bundles
so I can
feel safe
after thirty
years of
grief

Of course
I am not

Nothing is
Strong
Enough
To
Hold it
back
for very long

This is one of many poems that I felt compelled to write starting about eight months after Sharon's death. There was no thought or plan; they just came rushing out as fast as I could write them in this unusual form on a yellow notepad. That happened three different times during the first year and has been an important avenue for expressing my grief. I have woven them throughout the book and included them in their entirety in a separate chapter at the end.

Dedication

This book is dedicated to "My little sunshine" Sharon Eileen, July 11, 1962-April 13, 1978.

When I was a child I had a favorite doll I named Sharon, daughter, and I promised myself that if I ever had a little girl I would name her Sharon. I still have the doll.